The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
