hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
