Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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