she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
