I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
