well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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