pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
