We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
