my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
someone owes me an orgasm
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
