Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
