areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
