Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
