PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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