Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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