i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
