i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
