Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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