Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
