butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
