What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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