Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
