I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
