U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
