there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
