Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
