I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
