I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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