This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
