During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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