dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
