Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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