Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
