Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
