Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
