You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
