I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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