okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
