we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
