I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
