his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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