I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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