she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will be naked everywhere
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
