if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
