I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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