And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You took a bar mat shot.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
