Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
