It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
