Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
