Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
