Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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