I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
North Korea, Best Korea!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
